Always Move Forward – 4 Steps in Resiliency

I heard a great thought recently: "You can’t be defined by stories of trauma or a troubled past. You need to use those events to propel you forward." The speaker shared some traumatic experiences that I haven’t come close to, but I’ve faced my own challenges. We all have. It’s how we overcame those challenges that made us better and stronger than we thought we could be.

I often talk about the loss of my mother just two weeks before my 15th birthday. She had been sick for a few months, but we all expected her to recover. After her death, I had to grow up very quickly. I learned to cook, clean, and manage the laundry for my dad and brother. That first year was hard. I cried a lot, but I also became resilient. That resilience shaped who I am today. Sometimes, I wonder where I would be if she were still here. I may never know the answer, but I know I wouldn’t be where I am today without her passing. Here are four ways I navigated through those tough times:

1. Find a village. You can’t (or shouldn’t) try to overcome challenges alone. I had a great support system. My neighbor was there at 1 AM when we got the call, and she simply held me while I cried. My church community surrounded me, ensuring I wouldn’t fall. They helped me move forward by just being there.

2. Don’t use the situation as an excuse to say no. On the morning of the day my mom died, I was scheduled to teach first aid to third graders at my former elementary school. It never dawned on me to cancel. Instead, I taught the class, and no one, including the teacher, knew what news I had just received. Focusing your mind on something other than your grief, fear, or anger can help you move forward.

3. Journal. Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting. In college, I had to write a term paper about a significant time in my life. I thought it would be easy to write about the months leading up to my mom’s death. It was one of the hardest assignments. My eyes were nearly swollen shut from all the crying I experienced while rereading my journals. But it was also cleansing, and I earned an A+ on that paper.

4. Don’t let the event define you. Everyone reacts to trauma and grief differently, and none of the emotions you feel are wrong. Is it possible to channel negative energy into a positive outcome? Were lessons learned that can help others handle similar events? For instance, writing a book about overcoming grief could help another child or teenager struggling to understand why their mom died of cancer.

These steps may not be easy, and they may not work for everyone, but I achieved many great things throughout my life. I’m grateful my resilience helped shape the person I’ve become.

Published on LinkedIn on October 3, 2024